Once again, the Bibb County School Board Thursday failed to make a decision on the controversial graduation ceremony participation issue. On paper, Bibb County students who do not pass the Georgia High School Graduation Test still are not allowed to participate in graduation ceremonies unless their parents whine, in which case the board will cave and waive the rules.

At the board's November meeting, a discussion on the graduation issue ended with no action because of a 3-3 vote. All those present calculated that 3 minus 3 equals zero, a very appropriate number.

The school board again debated the matter, with president Betty Phillips leading the four who favor granting individual waivers and treasurer Paul Reams maintaining a strict "no walk" policy.

"We think indecision is the key to flexibility," Phillips said.

"We think a graduation ceremony ought to be for GRADUATES," Reams said.

Board member JC Postell made a decisive move to avoid a decision---he left the meeting with the remainder of the board split 3-3. "We don't need to rush this kind of decision," Postell said.

Big changes may fall on Bibb County developers - they may soon have to plant more trees around strip centers, including in parking lots----or face the death penalty.

That's according to a proposed tree and landscaping ordinance being drafted by Macon-Bibb County Planning and Zoning Commission staff. Jim Thomas, director of planning for the zoning board, said the ordinance focuses on the way developers landscape commercial developments, including strip and major shopping centers.

If approved by the P&Z commission, the ordinance is slated to:

• Require an undetermined number of trees and landscaped islands spread throughout parking lots.

• Hold developers responsible for landscape maintenance and irrigation.

• Require developers to financially insure landscape and trees on commercial property.

• Employ numerous landscapers.

• Provide employment for car-washers and body repairmen by ensuring that tree sap, bird droppings and heavy limbs fall on cars regularly.

• Secure homes for many birds and squirrels.

"We're not trying to be difficult, but we like trees and we really like controlling people," Thomas said. "In order to put some teeth in this ordinance, we'd like to see the death penalty to assure compliance."

Macon Mayor Jim Marshall applauded the efforts, saying they are long overdue. "Squirrels are just so cute, we have to protect their homes," Marshall said. "If that means frying a few developers, then so be it."

SEATTLE (Rooters) - President Clinton signed an international treaty Thursday that seeks to ban the worst forms of child sports and spare children a life of misery as backs, linemen, linebackers and tackling dummies.

"This is a victory for the children of the world, and especially for the tens of millions of American children who play football," Clinton said as he signed the Child Football Convention. "Football, to paraphrase George Will, illustrates the worst aspects of American culture---violence punctuated by committee meetings."

"Children are forcibly recruited into physical conflicts----pushed by their parents or the fear of being called a weenie or a sissie or worse-----and then bearing the scars of Bubba's helmet for a lifetime," he added. "Children are being forced to run wind sprints, tackling drills, and execute the same plays over and over while coaches blow whistles and shout in their ears," Clinton said with a tear in his eye.

Prep football coaches across Georgia dismissed the treaty. The impact on Friday's prep games in Georgia was uncertain.

Northside high school football coach Conrad Nix said his team will be at McConnell-Talbert stadium in Warner Robins Friday, "treaty or no treaty." "I hope those McEachern boys don't fail to show and blame it on the treaty. We intend to whip them and move on to the state semi-finals," Nix said. "I guarantee ya, I'd like to see the President line up in a four-point stance and try to stop us."

Disclaimer: The accounts, quotes and stories on this page are wholly fictitious and intended as satire and humor. Although real names may be used and all good humor has an element of truth, this stuff ain't real. If you didn't already know these stories were bogus, then you're not too bright. --Steve Scroggins